I want to wish everyone a happy and prosperous New Year!  I can't believe how my year will start.  I've rented a house, and now I have to get the utilities on and find a mover.  It seems so overwhelming.  I know I have to do it for myself and for the boys.  We can't live in the same house with their father anymore.  It's sad to see a marriage of over 21 years end, but it's also an end to the emotional and verbal abuse the boys and I have endured.  As soon as I've gotten both my feet fixed ( I have mirror tailor's bunions and hammertoes on each foot), gotten a diagnosis from the neurologist (I had a couple of strange events with a hand tremor and falling down during it), and gotten caps put on two teeth, it will be time to file for divorce.  I'm looking forward to having my maiden name again.  I wish I'd never changed it. Then I can get ready to finish college.  I don't know whether I want to stick with education (changing from secondary to K-8), or try psychology.  I think I'd make a good therapist, after all the therapy I've had, and watching my boys' therapist work with them.  I'd like to work with autistic children, teaching them how to socialize and communicate.  I could do that with a special ed degree, and if I stick with education, it'll be math and special ed.  So much to do.  So much to look forward to.  Just got to get the ball rolling.

Somedays I just want to walk away.  That's what I told my sons' therapist Friday.  He said he understood completely.  He knows I would never do it, but the pressure of trying to work with them on socialization is tiring and frustrating,  The boys bully me, and sometimes they're even abusive, especially my older son, Ian.  I love them more than anything in this world, but sometimes I think my efforts are futile.  Joey, my younger son, is less affected by Asperger's than Ian, but the ADHD is just as bad as Ian's.  Joey is an angel at school, incredibly intelligent, but he's a monster at home.  Ian, bless him, has the added burden of going through puberty.  He's so witty (so much so his teachers don't get his jokes.  He has a dry wit, Monty Pythonesque) and handsome.  Every where he goes, girls from school look at him cow-eyed and say in a sweet, flirty voice, "Hey Ian," and Ian puts his head down so his hair is over his face and mumbles lowly, "hey."  It just seems to make the girls crazier for him, dark and brooding, a little Heathcliff. 

But when he gets frustrated in school, he falls on the floor and has a tantrum like a toddler.  He got suspended for a day because he'd been throwing tantrums all week,and finally, he got angry with his science teacher about doing some work, and called him a communist pig.  I refused to sign the suspension, and I'm getting a lawyer to contest it, because, does that really merit suspension?  When we got home I told Ian he should get his dictators straight, because the proper taunt should have been "fascist pig" (the teacher is a coach.  So is the principal, and I swear if he talks to me like he would a football player instead of a parent again, I will reach across his desk and punch him.)   Ian didn't believe me, so he looked it up in the dictionary.  He came back and agreed I was right, and then I had to remind him that he shouldn't be calling his teachers names in the first case, even if they were fascist pigs (or sexist pigs for that matter).

But as for me, besides dealing with the boys, I have to deal with a husband I've been separated from for 3 years who won't get off my couch, and continues to sexually harrass me, and occasionally verbally abuse me.  No wonder the boys are abusive.  They learned it from a pro.  All I can do is keep getting up, and making it through the day.  Hopefully I'll be divorced next year, have a new home for me and the boys, and move on with my life.  I think getting away from the boys' father will tone down tension and attitude at home, because I won't have anyone undermining me.  I can go back to artistic pursuits, and feel whole again.  Speaking of which, I need to write a haiku soon.

I've been so busy the last couple of years I haven't had time to post.  My youngest son diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, just like his older brother, but a milder case than his brother.  Constant doctor's appointments.  A father-in-law who has earl dementia that's slowly getting worse. Seperated, trying to get a place to live that won't kick us out because the boys scream when when they're frustrated, and who will allow us to keep our cats, who calm the boys, and are honestly therapy animals.  We were suppposed to stay in our home, but my hopefully soon-to-be ex is still squatting on the couch, halfway moved out for two years. I have to get away because he views porn in our family room, which can't be locked, so the boys could walk in on him anytime, and if I don't move social services could terminate my parental rights because I know it's happening. I have health problems being neglected because my husband won't pay for me to go to the doctor, and I have no income of my own, because I can't have a job and take care of my sons. Just before school started, I had 3 episodes with hand tremors, 2 of them with falling in the floor.  Trying to get a neurological referral so I can make sure it's just exhaustion, not a neurological problem.  I'm tired all the time, and my body aches all over. joints and muscles.  All I want is to find out what's wrong, treat it, maybe apply for a substitue teaching job in our school district, and go back to school to finish my teaching degree, and have a home of my own were no one else can tell me what to do.  Oh yeah, and lose about 180 pounds (my husband!).

Unity08 has been distributing this survey to their members, but they recently opened up a version for non-members to check it out. It's actually a pretty unique process that let's you rank issues and candidates against each other. I'm a Unity08 member, take that as you will. This is a survey that you should take if you are a true American.

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Today is the International Day of Peace.  Click on the link to learn more.

Yes, it's time again for 12 of 12.  I've been so lazy lately, that this is all I've managed to make myself post lately.  I apologize to my friends that I haven't kept up with my friends list.  Chad Darnell came up with the idea for 12 of 12.  Visit his page to see his 12 of 12, and links to other blogs that have posted their 12 of 12. 

 

Thanks to Chad Darnell for creating the monthly 12 of 12. 
See how people from around the world spent 
the 12th of August here.

For those of you who are obsessed with "The Hoff," he will be on The Kumars at No. 42 on BBCAmerica tonight at 9PM ET / 8PM CT (sorry for the late post, but couldn't get the husband off the PC!) It will repeat at 1AM ET / 12 AM CT.